On my first week long retreat with John, I was very aware of all the strangers on mats around me, and I was particularly aware that I was older and less flexible than many. My mind was full of judgement, and I was trying to journal myself out of a difficult state of mind. But I found I was critical of myself for being critical! So, there was plenty of time to meditate and just be with that, watching as well as feeling. Noticing how the crowd, many of whom knew each other from years of practicing together, increased my discomfort. Knowing I am not my thoughts, and having them at the same time.
So. John’s teaching was seeping in. On the third day, I pushed up into my first solo full backbend. WOW! I yelped in the pose, but it wasn’t what happened to my body that I was feeling. There was an electric current that shot through me, and when I came down, the world was perfect, purnata. I was fine, everyone was fine, and everything was just the way it needed to be. My energy was clear, strong, easy. Practicing in the middle of a crowd was just right. We are all one! I went back to my journal and just smiled. I could only imagine my previous state of mind. This lasted for days, and when I got stuck sleeping in the Seattle airport on the way home, it was a swell adventure. The ecstasy was still with me in the morning when I woke up on a bench, and the other blanket lumps woke up, and we all smiled at each other. The feeling of oneness was bliss.
The intensity of the feeling has faded some, but I can recall it vividly.
The main thing is showing up for practice.
